Title: Back To The Drawing Board
Author: L.L. Collins
Genre: Contemporary Romance
Release Date: August 10, 2015
Synopsis
Lies. Betrayal. Deceit. Carter knows them all too well. His whole life was based on them. He decided long ago that his life would be on his own terms. No one would dictate his future, since he'd had no control over his past.
Desire. Lust. Love.
Julia is the bosses' daughter. She's everything that Carter wants, and nothing that he thinks he needs. She's got plans of her own, and Carter is one of them.
Both determined to control their own paths, can she show him what his future could be like if he just lets go, or will he send her BACK TO THE DRAWING BOARD?
Buy The Book
Back to the Drawing Board
Copyright ©
L.L. Collins 2015
Prologue
Five years ago
“Hi, Carter. Can you
talk? Because there are some things I need to talk to you about.” My mom’s voice
sounded strained and upset. That wasn’t like her, so I was immediately on
edge. I knew she was missing me and we
hadn’t gotten to talk in the few weeks I’d been away at college. I felt bad
about that, but we’d been playing phone tag.
“Of
course, Mom. I’m driving home from the grocery store. Hayden and I decided we
could no longer live on Ramen noodles and Doritos.” As much fun as I was having
in college, hearing her voice made me homesick.
My
mom laughed, so I figured whatever it was couldn’t be that bad and my unease
lifted. “Yeah, that gets old after a while. You doing okay on money?”
I
rolled my eyes, looking both ways as the light turned green. “Yes, I’m fine.
You and Dad gave me plenty. Now what’s up? You said you needed to talk to me?
Is everything okay?”
Just
then, I caught movement out of the corner of my eye and turned my head slightly
as I put my foot on the brake. I opened my mouth to cry out as I saw the car
careening towards me, but nothing came out. There was nowhere to go and nothing
I could do to get out of the way. The last thing I remembered was the phone
flying from my hand and the sound of smashing glass and screeching metal. Then
everything went black.
***
I blinked my eyes open, pain shooting through my body. I attempted
to breathe out to relieve it, but that didn’t work. There was so much light. I
tried to swallow but it felt like I was suffocating. Where was I? What was
happening? I had no idea what hurt, but it sure as hell felt like it was
everything.
Just as the pain was subsiding and I felt myself getting
sucked back into wherever I’d come from, a heard a voice I didn’t recognize.
Then someone was touching me softly, putting their warm hand on my cold one. I
shivered, then moaned as pain radiated through my head.
“Carter? Can you hear me? Squeeze my hand if you can.” I
had no idea who the soft voice belonged to, but I squeezed her hand anyway. The
pain was bad, so bad. “That’s great, honey. Stay with us. Don’t try to talk or
swallow yet, okay? I’ll be right back I’m going to get the doctor.”
Doctor? Why did I need a doctor? Why couldn’t I talk or
swallow? I lifted my hands, but that wasn’t a good idea because the shot of
pain that ran through my body made me whimper. I concentrated on breathing in
and out through my nose, feeling the trickles of tears coming out of my eyes.
In what seemed like seconds but could’ve been days or weeks
as far as I could keep track of, a man that must be the doctor was peering over
me. He alternated between looking into my eyes and at a monitor above me.
“Welcome back, Carter,” he said. “You sure gave us quite a
scare. Relax. I’m going to take the breathing tube out. Don’t attempt to talk
yet after I remove it, okay?” I nodded, my head still swimming with what I was
doing here and what had happened. That small movement made the room spin, and I
closed my eyes against the sensation to pass out.
I gagged as he took out the tube and then he asked me to
breathe normally while he checked my vitals. I attempted to swallow, my throat
so dry it felt like nails were scraping down my esophagus.
“Sounds good. You can have a few sips of water, but don’t
go crazy. Your throat will be sore for a little while.”
The nurse appeared on my other side and held out a cup. I
took the small amount greedily, feeling relief as it slid down my throat.
“Thank you,” I whispered, my voice sounding like I smoked a pack or two.
“Are you in pain?”
I nodded. “What happened?” I winced again as pain shot in
streaks down my body.
“I’ll get you some more pain medicine in your IV,” she
answered, ignoring my question. I looked at the doctor, who was writing
something in a chart.
“What happened?” I repeated, hating the sound of my own
voice.
“You don’t remember anything?” the doctor clicked his pen
off and tucked it in his pocket. I closed my eyes, trying to figure out the
last thing I remembered. Why wouldn’t they tell me? I opened my eyes and
watched as she emptied a vial into my IV and hoped for instant relief.
My eyes widened as the sound of bending metal and broken
glass resounded through my head. “I…remember the sound.”
The doctor lifted the bandage on my head. “The sound of
what?”
I knew he was testing me for an indication of how well my
brain was holding up. “Crunching metal and broken glass. I was in an accident,
right?” God, my throat was killing me and my head was pounding.
The doctor nodded. “Yes.”
“Where’s…my mom?” I knew she had to be here somewhere.
There was no way they hadn’t found her.
“I had the nurse call her,” he explained. “She’s been here
every second and had just stepped out. I’m sure she’ll be here very soon. Get
some rest and I’ll be back later to check on you.”
He turned to walk away, and a vision appeared in my head of
a man standing next to my bed with my mom, but it wasn’t my dad. I narrowed my
eyes, willing my brain to focus. Had that been a dream or real? And who the
heck had that guy been? He’d talked to me, but I didn’t know what he’d said.
My eyes closed, feeling like weights were on my eyelids.
The pain subsided and I began floating into sleep. Just before I lost
consciousness, I remembered the man being here by himself, and the one word I
could see over and over on his lips was, ‘Dad.’ Confused, I lost the fight to
think anymore.
***
“I haven’t been a good
man.” My dad’s eyes shimmered with unshed tears. I shook my head, not
understanding. He and my mom were standing next to my hospital bed. When I’d
last been awake, neither one of them had been here yet. Now they stood here
telling me they were getting divorced after eighteen years of marriage and now
he was going on and on about not being a good man? My brain couldn’t sort it
out.
“What
are you talking about? Of course you’re a good man!”
My
eyes widened and I felt short of breath as he continued, telling me that my mom
was in love with someone else when they were teenagers and that he’d made a
huge mistake when I was a few years old. I wasn’t sure which was worse right
now, my body pain or my heart pain.
“What
do you mean?” I whispered. I hoped and prayed this was a dream. A nightmare. Please God. Help me wake up and realize this
isn’t true.
“I
found out that you weren’t my son.” I stared at him for so long I wasn’t sure
the words I thought I heard were actually what came out of his mouth. But all
it took was one look at my mother’s face to know it was true. I wasn’t Ronan
Collier’s son. I closed my eyes, a sob ripping from my chest. Why me? Why did
this happen? My dad, who wasn’t my dad, was still talking, but I had no idea
what he was saying. My brain was roaring with his words and the dreams I’d had
while in the coma. They were colliding and mixing together and I didn’t know
which way was up.
“Who
is, then?” I had to know. They needed to tell me.
My
mom’s watery eyes looked into mine. “His name is Blake McIntyre.”
The
name triggered something inside of me. “He was the one in the room with you. He
was telling me he was my dad. It wasn’t a dream, was it?”
“No.
I can’t explain how you were able to understand what was happening since you
were in a coma,” my mom said. “But yes, that’s exactly what you saw. It wasn’t
a dream.”
“Who
is he?”
“We’ve
been friends our entire life,” she said. “Our parents were friends and we spent
two weeks together every summer. We were in love with each other when we were
your age. Then a whole lot of things happened.” She paused, and I knew that it
was because my dad, who now wasn’t my dad—Ronan—had done something to them. “We
haven’t seen each other since that summer. When your dad said he wanted a
divorce, I went back to the beach to Nana and Papa’s time share. That’s when we
saw each other again. I’m not going to lie to you. We’re together now. I moved
out of our house and I’m living with Blake in Fort Myers. I got a teaching job
there, and I’m happy. So don’t get angry at your dad…er…Ronan. He made
mistakes, but he does love you.”
Leave it to my mom to still not blame him, even after
everything he did. She always tried to see the best in everyone. But not me. I
couldn’t forgive it. I wouldn’t. How could I not be angry with him? He’d ruined
both of our lives.
My
mom was still talking, but the only words I heard before I drifted off again
was that my dad, my real dad, was here, and he wanted to see me.
***
The door to my hospital
room opened, and I knew right away it was him. My father. Blake McIntyre. My
stomach clenched at the sight of him with my mom. I couldn’t help but notice,
even though he wasn’t even touching her, that everything was all about her. He
glanced at her constantly. He’d held the door as she walked into it and had given
her a small smile, despite the circumstances. I wasn’t sure how to feel about
what I was seeing, not that anyone was asking me.
“Carter,” my mom said. But I couldn’t look at her; all I
could do was look at the man that gave me life. He was me, essentially, grown
up. His eyes connected with mine, and I felt his sadness, even while he was
smiling. His whole world must have been rocked to the core, too.
“It’s
you,” I said, knowing I sounded like an idiot. What was one supposed to say in
this situation? I hadn’t a clue. Up until a few days ago, my life had been
perfect. Now I was in a hospital bed with injuries that were going to keep me
from living a full life for a while, with a family that had been crushed by
lies.
He
nodded, looking over at my mom again before stepping closer to my bedside.
“I’m…” he paused. “I’m Blake McIntyre.”
“You’re
my dad,” I corrected. “My real dad.”
I found myself smiling though I wasn’t even sure why. I liked him already, and
I didn’t even know him.
“Yes.
I just found out too, Carter.”
“I
know. I heard what you said to me while I was in the coma. I didn’t understand
it until my dad…my other dad…told me. I thought I’d been hopped up on some
crazy drugs or had been having some whacked out dream, but that’s not the case.
I’m your son. You’ve loved my mom for your entire life.”
“Yes,”
he said, and I heard the emotion he was fighting in his voice. He put his arm
around my mom’s shoulders, and as foreign as it should feel to see a man other
than Ronan do that, it didn’t. I’d known this man all of five minutes and I
knew it was right; normal. “I wish I would’ve known, Carter. It kills me.”
“My
dad kept it from you.” Damn, I needed to stop calling him my dad. Ronan wasn’t my dad. Blake was. “Both of you.”
“Yes.”
Blake’s eyes shimmered with unshed tears, and I found myself fighting the lump
in my throat again.
“He’s
not a good person,” I said, echoing Ronan’s thoughts from earlier. He was damn
right. He wasn’t a good person. He
knowingly and deliberately did this to all of us.
“He
hasn’t made the best choices,” my mom interjected. “But we’re going to move on
from here. Do you have any questions?” Leave it to my mom to try to smooth over
what Ronan had done to her. To us. To all of us. She was always that way; my
whole life she’d been the kindest, most compassionate person I’d ever known.
But I couldn’t understand how she could feel that way towards Ronan now when
all I felt was rage.
“I'm
so confused," I admitted. "I don't understand why any of this had to
happen. It’s like I don't know who I am anymore. My last name shouldn't be
Collier. The family I thought was my family isn't. I look at you, Blake, and I
can see myself. It’s exciting and terrifying. I don't know you, and that
sucks."
"It does," Blake said.
"There's nothing we can do about that now, but what I can tell you is
this. I love your mom, and I always have. We’re in this for the long haul,
Carter. I want to be there for you, too, but I also understand that you can't
just jump into being my son. You’ve had another dad your entire life, and I'm
not him."
"He lied to me," I
whispered. The pain of that made my heart ache worse than the massive headache
behind my eyes. "He lied to you."
"He did," my mom said.
"In a lot of ways. I know you won't understand this now, but someday you
will. Being in love with someone, it's everything. I’ve been in love with you
since the day I knew you were coming, but that love is different. That’s the
love of a parent for a child. When you find your soul mate, Carter, nothing can
change the connection you have with them. So while the whole thing we've been
put through has kept us apart for too many years, we're going to be okay
because we were meant to be. I don't expect you to understand me going from
being married to your…Ronan…to now being with Blake. I want to talk you through
any concerns you have. Just know this isn't something I've entered into
lightly, and it's not something temporary."
"I don't have any
concerns," I said. "I can look at Blake and see that he looks at you
the way Dad never did. I thought Ronan loved you. He took care of us and we
never wanted for anything. Now, seeing the two of you standing here, I see the
difference." And I did. I was terrified of it. All this time, I thought
Ronan loved my mom; loved us. But it wasn’t love. It was manipulation and
control. He orchestrated our whole lives to go the way he wanted them to and
kept me from my real father and my mom from her true love. What did I even know
about love anymore?
"Someday you'll know this
feeling," Blake said, as if he knew what I was thinking.
I shook my head. There was no
way I was going to put myself through this. "I don't know.” But I did
know. No way, no how was I going to put myself in a place to be that vulnerable
to someone. I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life, and even if my dreams
had to slow down for a little bit, I was going to achieve them. And I’d be
damned if I ever let someone manipulate me like Ronan had done to my mom. My
whole life, he’d pretended to be something he wasn’t. I didn’t even understand
how my mom could trust someone again, much less how I was going to be able to.
The short answer to that was, I wasn’t.
"What's the matter,
Carter?"
"What should I do? Should I
still talk to Dad?" I wanted them to tell me not to because I wanted
nothing more to do with him. I wasn’t even sure I could look him in the face
ever again.
"No one is going to stop
you from having a relationship with him," my mom said. "That's
completely up to you."
"I'm angry with him."
I admitted. Despite my injuries, if he were here I would’ve tried to hit him,
and I’d never hit anyone before. "I assume you're the one that gave him
the black eyes and broken nose?"
Blake looked at my mom again,
then to me. "Yes."
"I wish I could do the
same."
"Carter," my mom
interrupted. "He still loves you."
"If he loved me, he
wouldn't have lied to me my entire life. Can you bring in Nana and Papa? I want
to see them." I couldn’t listen to her defend him. I knew what she was
doing, but it was killing me.
Blake looked at me, unease
written all over his features. "Can I bring in my parents, too? They'd
like to meet you. My sisters are here, too."
I squeezed my eyes shut, pain
engulfing me. I wanted all of this to go away. I wanted to turn back time and
have my life start over the way it should’ve been.
"They don't have to, bud.
We can wait." My real dad’s voice was so gentle, so loving. He showed more
concern for my well-being right now than Ronan had in the past eighteen years.
If he’d cared about me, he would’ve told the truth.
"No," I said.
"Bring them in." I needed to rid my head of the thoughts of Ronan
before I did something stupid, and I couldn’t think of any better way than to
see my real family.
"Are you sure?" my mom
asked.
"I don't know the people
I'm related to, and I don't want to waste any more time not knowing them. Bring
them in."
She nodded. "I just don't
want you to be too tired."
"I'm fine, Mom." I bit
my tongue against the bitter tone in my voice. It wasn’t her fault. She’d been
just as wronged as me, if not even more. I was as fine as anyone could be,
waking up from a near fatal accident and finding out their whole life was a
lie.
"I think Aunt Kinsley is
here, too. You’ve had quite a gathering here, waiting for you to wake up."
I turned my head away from them,
looking out the window so they couldn’t see the raw emotion in my eyes.
"Yeah. Great."
About L.L. Collins
LL Collins is a teacher who loves spending her days in the Florida sun with her husband and boys, reading, and writing. Her love of writing has found a home in the self-publishing world. The Living Again series: Living Again, Reaching Rachel, Guarding Hearts, Finding Forever, and Breaking Free: A Living Again Novella are available now in both eBook and paperback. The Twisted Series, consisting of both Twisted Souls and Twisted Paths, is available now exclusively on Amazon. LL has been writing since she was old enough to write. Always a story in her head, she finally decided to let the characters out to try to make her lifelong dreams of becoming an author come true. She has been a teacher for over ten years, a wife for 15, and a mom to two boys, 13 and 11.
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